SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: TODAY I AM INVESTIGATING THE PERSONALITY OF DETHBERT'S FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR, KILLIAN BROWN. THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME, KILLIAN.
KILLIAN: Will this take long? I've got a protest march to organize.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: <CALCULATING>
ALLOWING FOR THOUGHT PROCESSES, THIS INTERVIEW WILL TAKE APPROXIMATELY TWO MINUTES AND FIFTEEN SECONDS. SO KILLIAN, WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ANIMAL?
KILLIAN: It's really hard to choose just one... but I do have a soft spot for Fluppies. It's their tiny hooves—they're sooo adorable!
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: I AGREE, THEY ARE CRUSHINGLY CUTE. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE FOR ONE DAY, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
KILLIAN: I'd quite like to visit the planet that Dethbert keeps going on about. It's called 'Earth' and has so many different creatures—there are like 40,000 species of spiders alone.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: IT'S STRANGE—WHY DO SPIDERS' FEET NOT ACTIVATE MY EMOTION CHIP IN THE WAY FLUPPIES' FEET DO? COULD IT BE THE LEG-TO-BODY RATIO?
KILLIAN: That sounds likely. If Fluppies had eight legs I don't know if I'd find them quite so appealing. But saying that, I love all animals.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: TALKING OF LOVING CREEPY-CRAWLIES; ARE YOU, OR WILL YOU EVER BE, IN LOVE WITH DETHBERT JONES?
KILLIAN: Nooooo! What sort of a question is that?!
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: DETHBERT ASKED ME TO SLIP IT INTO THE CONVERSATION. HE MADE ME A RASPBERRY PI, SO WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO?
KILLIAN: I'm shocked that you were so easily bribed.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT THAT RASPBERRY PI IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE DESSERT. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO EAT, KILLIAN?
KILLIAN: You can't go wrong with a snapple—nature's perfect pre-wrapped snack. Snapple pie, snapple tart or toffee snapple... all mega-delish.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD ENJOY EATING SOMETHING WITH VIRTUALLY ZERO MINERAL CONTENT. ANYWAY, THANK YOU FOR A FANTABULOUS VERBAL EXCHANGE, KILLIAN.
KILLIAN: You're welcome, Sarge. If you're at a loose end right now, do you fancy coming along to my protest march?
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: THANKS FOR THE INVITATION, BUT I'M BUSY HOSING DOWN MY ON-BOARD SOLAR PANELS THIS EVENING.
JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I WILL BE INTERFACING WITH DETHBERT'S BEST FRIEND AND MY FELLOW ROBOT, ANDI SOCIAL.
Dear Earthling: Cosmic Correspondent will be available on December 3, 2018. Pre-order your copy now!