SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: TODAY I AM INVESTIGATING THE PERSONALITY OF DETHBERT'S GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID. THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME, GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID.
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: No worries. There wasn't much on the telly box this evening.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: MY NAME IS 22 CHARACTERS LONG— INCLUDING SPACES—SO SOME PEOPLE CALL ME "SARGE" FOR SHORT. ARE YOU KNOWN BY ANY OTHER NAME?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: My name is only 21 characters long—including spaces—so I've never felt the need to shorten it, no.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: PITY. MOVING SWIFTLY ON, MY FAVOURITE DESSERT IS RASPBERRY PI. WHAT IS YOURS?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: I love crustard tarts—they're so crumbly and sweet. Plus, they're nice and soft on your gums.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO ANYONE WITH SENSITIVE GUMS, I'M SURE. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES, GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: I like to knit flowery hats for my Great Nephew, Dethbert. He can't get enough of 'em!
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: FASCINATING TO THE MAX. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: I'd have to say my sister Mona—but she does get on my nerves quite a bit, especially when she witters on about her days working with a travelling circle as a fire-eater. She was only with them three weeks, yet I swear she's got three years worth of stories from it!
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: COINCIDENTALLY, I TOO HAVE WORKED FOR A TRAVELLING CIRCLE BEFORE, BUT AS A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR, GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: Buttons... You just can't trust 'em!
The sneaky little blighters come undone at the most embarrassing moments, yet when you want to undo them, they get all fiddly.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: I AGREE. ZIPPERS FOR THE WIN. FINALLY, DO YOU HAVE A FUN FACT ABOUT YOURSELF TO SHARE?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: In my youth I was an inventor specialising in pico-technology. I invented a robot so tiny that it could fit on the head of a pin.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: I DID NOT KNOW SUCH A SMALL ROBOT EXISTED?
GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID: Ah. Sadly I put it down somewhere and forgot where I'd left it. If you find it one day, do let me know.
SERGEANT MEGATRON 5000: AFFIRMATIVE. THANK YOU FOR AN INTERESTING VERBAL EXCHANGE, GREAT AUNT GRUMBELOID.
JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I WILL BE INTERFACING WITH FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR OF DETHBERT JONES, KILLIAN BROWN.
Dear Earthling: Cosmic Correspondent will be available on December 3, 2018. Pre-order your copy now!